Good or Bad it was candy

A while back we hosted a Pinochle Party at our house on a Saturday night.  The next day we had our boys over for dinner.  There was a lot of house cleaning prior to the Pinochle Party and also some candy that was necessary at all the card tables.

One of those represents chores that I like to avoid and the other represents opportunities to graze on treats left behind. Good things and bad things by my way of thinking.  Remember in this house you need to take special care with those things you think might be good and those you know are going to be bad.

On Monday I felt ill all day long.  Not ill like on vacation but weak and out of it kind of ill with an upset stomach and little or no energy to do anything.  The untrained eye would most likely interpret what they saw as a man who was very lazy.  I spent the day just lying around and practiced my napping skills.

On Tuesday I felt much better than the day before.  That evening I felt so much better I even attempted to tease my wife about the candy that she had left on my workbench after the Pinochle Party.   The candy had been spotted on Sunday afternoon and I suspected she had put it there before the boys came over for dinner.

My wife does not leave candy out any longer; this is one of the changes I have noticed since her weight loss.  So whenever I am able to find candy lying about it is either an oversight on her part or part of some more sinister master plan.  I have become less concerned about the sinister things in my life these past years and now spend more time thinking about the good luck I am having.  A stash of candy wrapped in a towel on my workbench must mean she was trying to hide it but became distracted and forgot what she was doing, never to return to the stash.  Yes overworking the wife can lead to benefits.

Remember in this house you need to take special care with those things you think might be good and those you know are going to be bad.

I was feeling better on Tuesday and knew I should not continue eating the forgotten candy.  After all she is either going to remember she left it on the workbench or see her towel on the workbench and discover the candy again.  Either way I am going to get into trouble for eating the candy or for having the towel on my workbench.  The best defense is offense.  I determined to do what most any other man should have done I try to tease my wife about leaving her candy stash on my workbench.

This next part is where things get a little fuzzy.  As I begin to tease the wife about leaving the candy on my workbench she has a strange look on her face.  I am unable to tell if it is a quiet satisfaction or that look you have just after you lock the door to your car and remember where the keys are.

“Candy” she says “You didn’t eat it did you?”  This may mean several things.  She was saving it for another occasion, she wanted it for herself, and she didn’t think I should eat it.  You get the picture, it could have meant almost anything, but I know it doesn’t mean something good.

That’s when I learned that after mopping the floor, the mop bucket was put next to the freezer, which is next to the door in garage.  The candy was then put on top of the freezer when she was getting ready for the boys to come over on Sunday.  Through some action taken with intent or carelessness the candy fell into the bucket, was quickly scooped out and laid on a towel to dry.

Was this part of a master plan? It is much too soon to tell.  Was I wrong to eat the candy?  Are you kidding me I am always wrong.  Did she just attempt to poison me knowing I would eat the candy? No, this couldn’t be possible.  Just remember my wife loves me and would never do anything bad to me. But, if you see candy lying around in this house, only eat the stuff that is dry and already wrapped like it came from the factory.

The Truth: (as she see’s it)

Ok, I still have little self-control where chocolate is involved, so I put the candy out at the last minute before Pinochle guests arrived that Saturday night. I put the opened bags of wrapped candy in a big plastic bag and put it right outside the door on top the freezer in the garage. Of course the freezer can be a little warm on top, so I tossed the bag on top of a stack of Costco paper plates that was conveniently there in case I needed more before the evening was over. Oh no, the bag of candy slipped right off and splashed into the mop bucket, which, strangely enough, even though I had helpfully left it conveniently right outside the door in expectation that my wonderful husband would see it and immediately take it outside and empty it for me, because he has earned a very high expectation level from me, well, unbelievably, that bucket was still sitting there full of dirty water. If I do say so, my reaction time is lightening fast where possible damage to chocolate is involved. I snatched that bag out of the bucket instantly, but a few bags as well as some individually wrapped pieces of candy fell into the water. I grabbed a towel and wrapped the candy to sort out and deal with later. Much later.  So you see, once again, it really wasn’t my fault.


Vacation with a dark twist

Definition of EMERGENCY

: an unforeseen combination of circumstances or the resulting state that calls for immediate action

The following information is given in an effort to enlighten and perhaps assist the reader who might either find himself in similar circumstance or peril.  I am not going to attempt to minimize the mistakes or spare the reader any discomfort as the story will necessarily deal with some unpleasantness and all around “are you kidding me moments”. If you have a weak stomach or are inclined to turn your head away when confronted with general stupidity or gross things related to biological issues, don’t read any further.

IF you are still reading, don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is my recollection of the events leading to the fateful day and the vacation from hell.  Don’t worry; I think my wife still enjoyed the vacation.

She had been talking about this vacation for months.  10 Days in Maui. The tropical paradise, plans were made, tickets purchased, the condo arranged for, and off we go.  The flight over was uneventful, except for that little delay in Portland, which made us a bit late for the connecting flight in San Francisco. The aisle seat was nice and it didn’t really hurt all that much when the flight attendant ran the cart into my knee the first time.  It hurt a little more the second time but was almost unnoticed after that. After a while, you learn to anticipate being hit and even get out of the way once in a while.  It is not always easy to be 6 foot 5 inches tall.

The flight arrived in Maui on time and the hunt for the rental car was not too difficult. The car was a convertible with enough room to secure our bags and get us on the road quickly.  If only I had a clue where I was going and how to get there. I also noticed after being stuffed into that tube that traveled at 500 miles per hour for 5 hours without knowing which way north was and deprived of food and adequate water, I was a little disoriented and thirsty.  After a wrong turn or two we found a Burger King and some refreshment.

(Excuse me, did you say your first meal in Maui was at BURGER KING? Was your wife APPALLED? Did she refuse to partake, failing to understand any hunger emergency that would necessitate eating at BURGER KING the moment you arrive in Maui?)

Now, well armed with the knowledge we were in Maui and on vacation we attempted the short drive to our lodging. Kihei was our destination. With the experience I have now, it would have been an easy drive.  Still getting acquainted with the rental car and navigation in an area with names that were unpronounceable, we proceeded south and took the most indirect route possible to the condo. I noticed right away there were two types of people sharing the road with me: those who drove as if they had just smoked a joint or those who were very late getting to their next destination. It was a very good thing I didn’t see more people driving like I was, without a clue where they were going.

Now before I go any further know this: My wife has many outstanding qualities. Navigation is not one of them. If you want to go somewhere new, she is not the go-to person for directions. Numerous times in the past and even on this trip, attempts have been made to improve on this small shortcoming without remedy.  I know from training and experience it is not her fault. There are only two explanations for things that go wrong or don’t work: it is either the software’s fault or mine.  More will be covered about this later. (She does try very hard. When the software works properly and she is not distracted by beauty and activity outside the car, she has successfully completed a journey before.)

The condo was very nice, the view fantastic and the promise of the days to come without boundary. Remember, in my world if it is too good to be true, it’s not true. Yes, I too hear the music in the background. Low tones with an ominous beat often associated with movies just before the last guy in line is killed.

Second day:

We took a beautiful walk on the edge of the ocean at sun up. Man was it nice. In fact, looking back, it was one of the best times of the trip for me. The rest of the day was spent in sight seeing and recon, looking for the place to register for a race the following morning and a parking spot. Hope also begins to fade just a little with regard to the navigation issues. It’s not so bad; I am used to driving and finding, I just wish the finding part worked a little better.

Day Three:

This day had a very early start as LeAnn had to be at the start of her race at sunrise.  Not so bad considering our internal clocks are still on Pacific Standard Time.  She did very well in her race, finishing her 15K in 1 hour and 44 minutes.  I was able to photograph and video her crossing the finish line, a very fine event indeed.

Day Four:

Today is the game changer.  From this point on all hope for a normal vacation is lost. The odd thing is it isn’t lost all at once, it isn’t lost in a single cataclysmic event – it fades away in to the fog.  This is my story LeAnn’s will follow closely behind.

I am sure LeAnn has a different vision of this day and her perspective will more accurately reflect what transpired, mine is the perspective that colors my memory and frames the way I will forever remember my first journey to hell. I hope it is my last.

The day dawned with all the promise of a day in paradise might. We planned a drive north past Lahaina, exploring west Maui’s North Shore. On the way we wanted to find a beach LeAnn had heard was one of the most beautiful, and eat at a place where the macadamia nut pancakes were to die for.  Off we went to our destiny, innocent and unaware of the hell that was to follow.

The first hint of trouble came in the stop at a little rest room on the way.  I pulled into a little beachside park and entered the one that had never been cleaned. Trying to keep from stepping on something that might never get off my shoes, I found no real satisfaction in the visit.  Further up the road we became more and more challenged by navigational issues in our search for that beautiful beach.  Beautiful sights were seen and wonderful things witnessed but often times our discussions seemed to have more to do with what we couldn’t find than what we were seeing.  I know now it was either a software issue or my fault.  Once again, I found and attempted some satisfaction at port-a-potty on the way without the satisfaction that might come under normal circumstances at such a facility. It wasn’t that I couldn’t pee, it was that I didn’t feel like I had finished.

After a bit, LeAnn announced that we had missed the planned lunch stop and it was behind us.  Too far, I felt to go back (3 whole miles!) and now committed to a one-lane road with narrow turns and drop offs to the left, onward we traveled.  I had, by this time, convinced myself we would be able to find a good place to eat on the way and not backtrack.  The need to go to the restroom continued but the opportunities were not anywhere to be found.  In desperation I stopped along side the road and was able to gain some satisfaction but nothing like I needed. Hungry and a little concerned, on we traveled. Well into midafternoon we found ourselves back on a two-lane road and knew there was a good possibility of someplace good to eat just around the corner.

Through Wailuku to the Lao Valley we went without seeing a place to eat.  Now the rest room issue is becoming a major concern but I am still trying to keep a good face on the day.  After all LeAnn has been dreaming of this vacation for months now and I am not in a hurry to be the one to spoil it for her.

On the way up the Lao Valley there is a park with a large and very inviting rest room where I spent at least 40 minutes and several trips inside attempting to gain some relief from the pressure that was beginning to cast an ugly mark on this adventure. Onward and upward we travel to the beautiful dead end road with a parking lot requiring $5 to stop and offering a beautiful half mile walk near a babbling brook.  Oh yea just what I needed the sound of running water.  Off I go to the port-a-potty to once again attempt what seems to be the impossible.  This is beginning to worry me a lot.  Still lets keep a good face on this problem after all we don’t want to wreck a good vacation with something that will most likely sort itself out soon.  This is a hint boys, if it doesn’t seem right it’s not right and should be addressed.

Missing lunch, having trouble navigating, and being quiet about a medical issue all can contribute to communications issues inside a convertible on any road. This vehicle and this road were not exceptions to the rule.  The best thing I can say about this time during the vacation was I don’t think I said anything I shouldn’t have but certainly didn’t say a few things that should have been said, all to my discredit.  It’s so hard to be the person you should be when you are busy being something you don’t want to be. In simpler terms; I had to go real bad by this time, in some discomfort, hungry, tired, and ready for the day to end.

By the time we got close to home the need to urinate was becoming the most important thing in my life and I felt like I might not make it to the room in time.  Little did I know I had lots of time because I wasn’t going no matter how badly I wanted to. Yes, we are now at the point pain is becoming a real issue in this adventure.

Now is the time to compound the issue. I can assure you the best way to make things worse is to keep most of the information to yourself, minimize the situation, and if you are really brain-dead, attempt to self diagnose your problem.  Yes, those are the keys to turning a medical problem into a medical emergency.  Hang on it gets worse.

Armed with very little intelligence and even less resources, a man with internet access can come up with some really plausible ideas about what ails him. This can be even more true if you cloud his reason with pain and try to keep the situation as secret as possible.  In this particular situation, my conclusion was a blocked tube and the best solution more water.  Yep folks, we have now taken the plunge in total stupidity and a certainty of continued pain and discomfort.

Pain and discomfort, pace the floor, wipe the sweat from your forehead, teeth-floating pain.  Not a pretty sight and at long last a perfect opportunity to share some of those most intimate facts with the wife when she returned inside from viewing the sunset.  Yep, not feeling very good, think I have a problem, kind of conversation.  This conversation was a good two or three hours into the pace-the-floor part.  That is said to highlight the fact nothing done on my part during this time was done in a timely way or a way that reflected well on my ability to take care of myself.

Now we move to the comical part of this trip into hell.  The best place for a guy in my situation would be somewhere he might get some good medical attention. There finally, get some medical attention, great idea how and where. My wife has a lot of great talents but driving somewhere in the dark in an emergency is not one of them.  Driving anywhere unfamiliar in an emergency, even in the daylight, well you get the picture.

By this time I am so far out of it I don’t remember to get my glasses. It’s all I can do to get to the car, and are you kidding me sit in the car, how the hell am I going to get into that little car.  I did get in the car. Off we go, now into the dark to find a small storefront that houses the medical attention I need. Wrong turns, speed bumps, missed signs, millions of questions and waiting room with a fish tank that had bubbling water, that was the future. Sit down, said the receptionist, its hard being nice when you feel like I did, it is a lot easier to pace and concentrate on being quiet.

I know my perceptions are a little skewed but I am convinced the Doctor in this little store front was one of those guys at the end of his shift who knew better than to go the extra mile.  So after getting his cut of the medical gravy train, he told me I had a swollen prostrate that was not letting me urinate.  Two options: a catheter or medication to shrink the prostrate.  He didn’t do catheters that would have to be done 20 miles north in Kahului. The medication would take some time to realize relief.

The journey continues now with a white-knuckle drive 20 miles north to Kahului to look for a hospital in the dark on roads you can’t pronounce in pain that has not lessened, in fact seems to be about a million times worse than the last set of speed bumps confirmed.  How can this get any better?  How about a couple more missed turns and at least one stop along side the road to attempt the impossible without regard to the laws of the land or good manners in polite society.

Finally the hospital is in sight right there behind us. Two more wrong turns and a small argument about where to park. (She didn’t consider me to be handicapped.) We enter the waiting room full of small children with sore throats and runny noses.  I’ve seen this one before – looked like about a two hour wait from my past experiences.

Millions of questions about names, medical insurance, and the ability to pay, followed by a hope and a prayer that the last medical professional might have called ahead to pave the way.  Minutes turned in to minutes that felt like hours. It wasn’t a long wait if a man without pain had suffered it.

Then the nurse angel appears at the door, “come on back” he says.  Those words were the nicest words I had heard in a long time.  They ranked up there with what I imagine hearing you have just won Powerball, or it’s a boy Mr. McAnulty.  Yea buddy I loved that nurse.  He was instantly my favorite person in the world.  Take off your clothes and lay down here.  No hesitation no modesty just compliance. Then the catheter, followed by the sweet music of relief, 1.5 liters later the absence of pain and the optimism of knowing it won’t hurt like that anymore.

The story could end right there but it will go on now for eight more days. The good side of the story; the antibiotics given to prevent infection and head off complications from the marriage of man and internal catheter will lessen the symptoms and recovery from a terrible cough and cold that will be suffered in the next week, never during the next 8 days will I have to worry or even think about peeing.  The other side of the coin; the best way not to have to come back to the hospital would be keeping the catheter in until I get home, getting up every two hours for the next week to empty the bag, and never taking a step or moving without feeling the pain of a tube where you don’t want a tube to be.

Now fading into the list of things I don’t want to remember; a plane ride from hell to home, a fine dining experience marred by the complications of three hours of straining on the fateful day, being the only one seemingly able to drive but unable to get into and out of that same car without considerable discomfort, showers that required three times as much care and far more planning, and dreaming of being home while in paradise.

What follows now is the truth as told by LeAnn:

Trouble in Paradise

I learned some things Monday.  Among them are:

  1. If your husband says he’s not feeling well and needs to stay near a bathroom, don’t delicately assume you know what he’s talking about. Feel free to pry.
  2. If he comes out of a lengthy visit to a public restroom while you’re hanging out in the convertible in the parking lot, wishing you were enjoying the sunshine somewhere else, and you say, “Do you feel better now?” and he says, “Yes,” don’t assume he’s all better. Ask some more questions.

It was obvious that Will was not his usual cute and fun-to-be with self. I thought it was all due to my failures as a navigator. Like… This stupid map thing on my iPhone doesn’t have the right instructions to the “most beautiful beach in the USA”…. Oops, the Gazebo restaurant where we were going to have the famous macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup is in the town three miles behind us….It’s not that I’m completely inept, (well, ok, I am,) but it doesn’t help if the map on the phone doesn’t take me where I asked to go.  Or I tap on the wrong thing and the whole map disappears. Or I get distracted by the scenery and forget that I am supposedly the navigator.  Strangely, he isn’t interested in all my extremely valid excuses.

My navigational infirmity is a sore trial for my longsuffering husband, who has inerrant sense of direction, always notices landmarks and remembers details about places he has been. As he texted our son, “Trying to teach your mom to navigate with the map program is hell on earth.” Believe it or not, I was not the least offended. I laughed out loud when he told me.

Will is far too considerate to bore me with any pain or discomfort he experiences, even though I freely tell him all of my own afflictions, usually several times.  He has a strong personal creed against complaining. (How many times have we heard, “No wimps, whiners, or crybabies allowed”?) I should have known there was something wrong when he didn’t make sure we had lunch.  When we got back to our condo, (with absolutely no good help from me, thank you very much) and he wasn’t interested in dinner either, I was puzzled. “You told me you were feeling better.” Well yes, at that moment he was slightly better. That didn’t mean he was all better.  He needed to stay near the bathroom.

Since hanging out with him was less than fun at the moment, thinking perhaps I’d need to go get some PeptoBismal, I went outside to walk on the beach a little and called my sister Jean and then Hope. I watched the sunset and headed back. I was still enthralled with the sunset when I came back, but Will was pacing the floor, drinking water, wiping the sweat off his face, and I was appalled to see how bad he looked. He said he thought maybe he was trying to pass a kidney stone so he had been drinking lots of water. I started asking questions and looked up symptoms and disagreed with his diagnosis. He just plain had to pee really bad and couldn’t.

I looked up the local Urgent Care and called to see if they were open. Yes, until 9 p.m. It was a little after 7.  He was still pacing, in obvious pain, wiping the sweat from his face. Let’s get going. I found the address on my stupid iPhone map, and we got in the convertible – quite an ordeal since the pain of sitting down about made him pass out. I only took one wrong turn. Do you know how hard it is to find the right street in the dark when most of the street names start with K and have about 15 letters? In his pain-fogged state, Will had forgotten his glasses so he was no help at all. All the gasping and moaning were a little distracting as well. We finally got there, and though we were the only ones in the waiting room, it took awhile to be called back. I enjoyed a magazine and the gurgling water in the aquarium, and Will paced the entire time. The doctor there decided he needed to go the hospital emergency room 20 miles away. The receptionist kindly gave me written directions and a map. A lot of help they are when you are in a convertible with NO INTERIOR LIGHTS whatsoever. So I found it on the stupid phone again.

I immediately turned on the wrong K-word street and went up to the main highway on a road with lots of speed bumps. An absolutely horrible thing to do to a man in his condition.  I felt awful about it, but continued fearlessly on.

It was a very long journey, and I was feeling a little scared. I have never seen my husband in so much pain, and he was not himself, except for his constant moaning exhortation, “Don’t speed.” I’ve heard that before. Many times. Except without the moaning part.

After another wrong turn or two down dark streets, we managed to find the emergency entrance to the hospital. He refused to let me drop him off at the door while I parked, instead tried to get me to take a handicapped parking spot (“If I’m not handicapped right now, I don’t know who is!”) and finally insisted I take a spot reserved for a radiologist.  The waiting room was full of families with lots of children, and a sign directed me to fill out a form and fill out EVERY LINE, then place it face down in a basket, which had a big pile of other face-down papers like it.

To make a long story short, before he went completely around the bend, he was seen by a very nice nurse and doctor, and obtained relief. When we finally left there after 11 p.m., he was ever so much better. Of course, there was a catheter attached to him, and nice a bag strapped to his leg, and a recommendation that he keep it attached until after returning home to be sure it didn’t happen again

The next morning we went out to get prescriptions filled and food to eat in for the day. We spent a relaxing day on the beautiful premises of our condo, and what a joy it was to have my husband returned once again to his amiable self, though still suffering effects of his trying day.

An unsightly bag on the leg does cramp your style on Maui – no swimming or lounging around in shorts, because it came all the way down to his knee. Sadly, it continued to be painful for him to move, including getting in and out of the car. A balcony with a gorgeous view of palm trees, the ocean, whales, and various entertainment including competitive croquet, painting and tai chi at least provided some pleasant distraction when he wasn’t sleeping. Did I mention, he seemed to feel a little worse each day? And I think he started a new fashion trend in his wardrobe of Hawaiian shirts with sweatpants and sandals.

I told him that my friend Cindy had messaged me to be sure to ask someone about Little Beach. I looked it up and discovered it was a nude beach. When I told Will about it, he said, “Well, if we went there, I could clear the beach in no time at all. – frighten small children and give them all nightmares for years to come.”  Oh, what a thought!

On Wednesday, we went out to lunch and did a little exploring before attending our previously scheduled Luau that night, followed by a beautiful drive in the convertible with a full moon overhead. The next morning it was pretty clear that Will needed some rest and recuperation.  He admitted that he just couldn’t keep going out and about with all the pain he was having, but I should go do some things alone. At first I said no, I’ll just hang out on the beach….but then I said, “How about if I take a helicopter tour of the island?” So while he napped, I booked myself the longest and most expensive tour I could find, since after all we weren’t doing any other excursions. When he learned how much it cost, he immediately quit feeling bad that his ailments had ruined so many of my fun plans! I’m so happy that I was able to help him like that. The helicopter tour was AWESOME!

So troubles come even in a Hawaiian Paradise. We adapt, we adjust and we hope that the sifting sands of time will smooth away the painful memories and allow the fun ones to remain closest to the surface!

So if someone you know has Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) give them a little advice from me: take the medication, don’t ignore the symptoms. It will be to your advantage in the long run.

Technology is my weakness

I have come to the conclusion that I am powerless to resist technology.  I need help with this addiction and it needs to come soon.  This past few months have been prime examples of the problem.  Not to mention a case study in secondary unanticipated costs.  I am not whining, I don’t think, but I am without a doubt becoming an example of weakness.

It all started with that Elk Hunting trip where I thought it might be cool to have one of those GoPro cameras to record the adventure.  Good idea except the video was taken by a novice and the action shots in that camp were few and far between.  No exactly a high energy thrill a minute bunch.  It would have  been very cool to do some time-lapse photos of the tent going up and all the goings on.  Perhaps some video of an old fat guy sneaking through the woods.  They will have to be next year after I figure out all the special effects that can be done with this marvel.

So up on my return and as I was learning about the soft ware needed to work with those movies on our computer I realized that computer didn’t have the muscle to do the work I was trying to make it do.  Yes that computer had become old and tired.  It needed to be upgraded or sent to pasture.  Now that conclusion was most apparent when I shot some great video on a fishing trip on the Siletz.  The computer just could not get the job done.

Ring Ring Nick what should I do?  The answer was obvious even before the phone call. SPEND Money spend lots of money.  Get the most powerful laptop known to man and never look back.  It was done before I knew what hit me, like a predator moving in the shadows quiet and hungry the technology monster had me.

Fast forward to last night when my iPad died.  Drag forward to this morning when I learned the same iPad is gone forever and I have no way to enjoy that piece of technology. Ring Ring Molly what should I do.  Foolish question, I already was at the shadows with the technology monster inches from my throat.  The monster pounced again, unable to defend myself I fell to its unquenchable desire to control my life.

Run you say run only play with sticks and  knives.  Vow to use nothing more complex than a small flashlight.  Run away from the monster.  It will be my hope that in the future now that I have identified the problem I can begin to manage it but for now.  Well now I have a new iPad that needs to be set up and this blog to finish.

Cold and Wet

Cold and Wet

Roses in the backyard attest to the coolness of the morning.
Yesterday I took the day off, I didn’t walk Zeek in the morning. It was raining hard and the wind was blowing so I got lazy. This morning it was snowing and cold. Well I would have taken this day off had I known and walked Zeek yesterday. Taking two days off in a row just wouldn’t be fair to Zeek.
It wasn’t too bad after all just a 1/4 inch of snow. I set the GoPro up with my special strap to wear it on my head so that I might be able to take some time laps photos on the walk. I was thinking I might be able to do a short video of the march in the snow.
Yep you guessed it I pressed the button once thinking it was set to take a picture every 30 seconds. Well it was set to take one picture. That is going to be one boring video. One picture of a dork in the mirror with a camera on his head. I stood in front of the mirror to make sure the camera was on. I didn’t look to see if it was set right.
Not only that but while walking the camera got water on the lens. I read the best way when you are in a hurry is to lick the lens to clean off water spots. Thats right I was licking the camera periodically to keep the lens clean for nothing.
So in summary you have a chubby big guy walking a big chocolate lab, in the snow and the rain, with a camera on his head, licking the lens, trying to get down the road without being noticed.
Once I got home and realized the mistake I had two choices. Walk again (out of the question), or take a couple of pictures with the other camera of the snow in the backyard. That is how this photograph came to be.
Perhaps tomorrow if the snow comes back I will try to use the GoPro again. Next time I am pretty sure I will lick the lens to keep the water spots off, but when I do I am going to make sure the stupid thing is on the right setting. If you drive by when I am walking the dog don’t act like you know me. I wouldn’t act like I knew me either if I didn’t have to ask me where I live once and a while.

Some good some bad

It was my day for teeth cleaning. In the past it has either gone well or turned into a nightmare. This time I learned that my wife is not above using her powers of intimidation to shape the interaction I have with the staff at the dentist office.

We have in the past learned most people do what she wants. Myself included in that fraternity of the wimps. Oh yes on the outside she appears as such a nice person. Kind to others, ready to bribe children with gum, quick to make sure all are comfortably seated, but there is a dark side. I take a chance just mentioning this as a man of experience in life or death situations. I prefer rendering decisions related to the health and safety of others not my own. After all someone that can influence the actions of an entire professional staff to satisfy her own twisted bidding must be feared and perhaps admired. Just remember keep the admiration to a minimum.

As the event unfolds you will see the twisted and evil conspiracy that attacks the helpless and innocent. Greeted at the counter and ushered into the modern office of dental health I look forward to seeing what new technological advance has found a home there. Last trip in I marveled at the big screen TV that showed my name and displayed my X-ray.

I sit back in the comfort of the chair look up at the TV, to my horror there is a slide show playing. My dog Zeek perhaps the best friend I have, with a pure heart and desire only to please, he is there on the TV! Photos of him dressed in a sweater and a pink scarf.

All those present denied responsibility. Every thing else that happened in that office is just a blur. Words of advice to those of you tempted to leave your dog with “the wife” for a week. Think twice it is bad enough seeing something like that on Facebook it is much worse realizing the image could appear anywhere anytime.

Life with LeAnn Episode 1

Now I know it has been a while since I blogged but it is time. Besides this morning event must be shared as it highlights a few things that go on in a house with this woman. Every day can be an adventure, and almost always highlights her good points and my faults.

Setting the stage:
We are getting ready for a weekend visit in central Oregon, to do so I have purchased new all weather tires for LeAnn’s car. I am not expecting bad roads but I know her tires are in need. The tires have been purchased and mounted. Very good tires I might add, this means the same thing as expensive. The tire expert that I have purchased the tires from noted that the tires taken off the car have wear patterns that lead him to believe the car needs to be aligned. I make the appointment to have the car aligned on the following day at 10 am. This information is relayed to LeAnn. In summary she has new tires that need to be aligned and the appointment to do so is set for 10 am tomorrow. Fast forward to today (Wednesday December 5, 2012)

I know from my training and experience that it takes me about two hours to walk Zeek and then have some breakfast. I know I will need 30 minutes to get LeAnn’s car from the parking lot at her work and drive it to the alignment shop. Everything is set everything is on time. The appointment is at 10 am. LeAnn knows that.

At 925 am I go upstairs and put on a clean shirt out the door and on the way to LeAnn’s car by 930 am. As I pull into the parking lot it becomes apparent that this is again going to be a more complicated thing than I thought. LeAnn’s car is not in the parking lot. As I get my phone to call her I notice the text that I should have seen when I was changing my shirt. “Going to WW meeting. At 930 then school errand back at school by 11. Gotta leave at 410 for exercise class.”

I am a little slow but that didn’t leave any time for the 10 am appointment. In years gone by I might have gone ballistic over this sort of thing. Instead I text LeAnn the following: “No good you were told appoint at 10 need car” Notice she uses a lot more punctuation marks than I.

I also start to drive to her WW (weight watchers) meeting place. My intent is to take her car to the appointment and figure out the next step after that. Plan A never happens in real life. I know that and don’t usually figure plan A is going to work anyway. Plan B involves calling her while on the way to her. She doesn’t answer her phone. A lot of times plan B doesn’t work either. After the 4th or 5th call she calls me back.

Now this is the time for me to say something really stupid and make her mad and me look like a dork. I am afraid this time I only got half of that part done. She wasn’t mad. As she put it “it didn’t register”. I don’t know what that means but I do know it has a ring of truth to it. I have long suspected that I am not always listened to as intently as I should be. In fact sometimes people ignore me, or I don’t make enough sense for them to remember what I said. In days gone by that would make me angry. Now days I have become used to being ignored. Well plan C involved her driving to the alignment shop and meeting her there. It might just work; we could even get it done before 10 am. If only she had a clue where the alignment shop was. I did remember to be grumpy about the mess up after all that is one of the things I am good at.

Now comes the really hard part. She got there before 10 and gets out of the car. I was perfectly okay with being a jerk about the whole thing until I saw her. Man that woman is good looking. It started with the smile as soon as she got out of the car, followed by the hair, then the skirt. Well you don’t need to hear anymore of that.

The point of this story is I need to remember to take into account the LeAnn factor on things. I also need to give her more money to buy skirts like that one. I would pay money just to give that girl a ride almost anywhere.

A Friday update

Today is Friday and it is time to catch up on a few things. Just finished a 3-mile walk with Zeek and have had breakfast. But before I spend too much time wasting time on this blog I better get the lawn mowed its going to be very hot soon.

Okay have that done and even watered some. Its time to get after all the time wasting things I can. Here are some of examples of the things I have that should get done. I am three trips behind in my log about the boat. One trip to Yaquina Bay last week for crabs, and two fishing trips to the “Jaws” in Alsea Bay need to be documented in that log. 15 Crabs and one Chinook salmon were harvested. Pretty cool, this represents three fishing buddies, about 20 gallons of fuel, and 9 meals in total, one crab dinner, and eight salmon dinners for LeAnn and I.

Some time today I will need to get the dishes done and do a load of laundry. I also need to remember to squeeze in a little nap. Seems like a lot of things to do so I better get some of it started.

Update: I just woke up from the nap got about half of the stuff done. Still thinking about that nap so I might have to go outside which will also going to make doing the rest of the stuff on the list harder. It is so good to have a plan “B”.